Make New Meaning: How to Honor Your Painful Memories for Alienated Parents
Thu Feb 05 2026
What if the memories of your child didn't have to feel like landmines? In this episode, I share how to reclaim your power over memories—so they become sources of connection instead of pain. Learn the nervous system tools that helped me stop running from photos, songs, and reminders, and start honoring my relationship with my daughter on my own terms.
Main Talking Points
The Running Pattern: Many alienated parents spend years running—from abuse, harassment, and eventually from their own memories. Even sweet memories can trigger the body's escape response.
Window of Tolerance as Your Guide: Using your nervous system's "window of tolerance" (the range where you can think and feel simultaneously) helps you approach memories without drowning or dissociating.
Titration & Pendulation: These trauma-informed techniques teach you to work with memories in small, manageable doses—like adding drops instead of gulping the whole thing at once.
The Avoidance-Flood Cycle: Alienated parents often swing between two extremes—either avoiding all reminders (enshrining rooms, blocking songs) or doom-scrolling through photos while completely activated.
Recontextualizing Memories: Painful memories often become "muddied" with shame, terror, or trauma narratives. The work is separating what happened from the story you've attached to it.
Taking Back Control: Instead of letting algorithms, songs, or your ex control your emotional state, you can decide when, how, and how long to visit memories.
Normalizing Your Grief: While parental alienation isn't "normal" for most people, it is your reality. Fighting against "what is" creates suffering—acceptance creates space for healing.
Sacred but Accessible: Memories can remain sacred while also being part of your everyday life, not locked away on an untouchable altar.
More
What if the memories of your child didn't have to feel like landmines? In this episode, I share how to reclaim your power over memories—so they become sources of connection instead of pain. Learn the nervous system tools that helped me stop running from photos, songs, and reminders, and start honoring my relationship with my daughter on my own terms. Main Talking Points The Running Pattern: Many alienated parents spend years running—from abuse, harassment, and eventually from their own memories. Even sweet memories can trigger the body's escape response. Window of Tolerance as Your Guide: Using your nervous system's "window of tolerance" (the range where you can think and feel simultaneously) helps you approach memories without drowning or dissociating. Titration & Pendulation: These trauma-informed techniques teach you to work with memories in small, manageable doses—like adding drops instead of gulping the whole thing at once. The Avoidance-Flood Cycle: Alienated parents often swing between two extremes—either avoiding all reminders (enshrining rooms, blocking songs) or doom-scrolling through photos while completely activated. Recontextualizing Memories: Painful memories often become "muddied" with shame, terror, or trauma narratives. The work is separating what happened from the story you've attached to it. Taking Back Control: Instead of letting algorithms, songs, or your ex control your emotional state, you can decide when, how, and how long to visit memories. Normalizing Your Grief: While parental alienation isn't "normal" for most people, it is your reality. Fighting against "what is" creates suffering—acceptance creates space for healing. Sacred but Accessible: Memories can remain sacred while also being part of your everyday life, not locked away on an untouchable altar.