88) SURROGACY, POWER, AND THE NON-PROFIT INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX, WHO REALLY BUILDS FAMILY INFRASTRUCTURE?
Thu Jan 22 2026
What happens when a non-profit succeeds so completely that it stops being charity and becomes infrastructure?
In this episode of IVF Daddies, we sit down with Ron Poole-Dayan, founder of Men Having Babies, to examine how gay fatherhood moved from legal impossibility to corporate policy, insurance coverage, and international debate, and what it actually costs to change a system at scale.
This is not a feel-good conversation about surrogacy.It is a systems-level discussion about power, ethics, money, advocacy, and the uncomfortable reality that any non-profit operating near medicine, law, and vulnerable populations eventually becomes a gatekeeper.
We explore:
Why redefining infertility as a social status changed insurance law
How workplace benefits quietly replaced litigation
Why ethical standards create both protection and exclusion
Why the goal of real advocacy is to make itself unnecessary
This episode matters now, especially in Europe, as debates around surrogacy, cross-border family building, and regulation intensify ahead of major community and policy conversations in Brussels.
If you care about family, ethics, systems, and how change actually happens, this conversation is for you.
We’re releasing this episode as we head to Brussels on the 7th to engage directly with families, advocates, and institutions navigating the next phase of family-building infrastructure in Europe.
This conversation is not about defending one organization.It is about understanding how social change actually works, and why every mature movement eventually faces scrutiny not for failing, but for succeeding.
If you want elite parenting to be boring, protected, and normal, this is the price.
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Why Men Having Babies Exists02:48 Financial Assistance and Industry Proximity05:41 Advocacy, Law, and Institutional Power08:22 Redefining Infertility, Medical vs Social Status10:48 Workplace Benefits and Corporate Policy13:35 Cultural Blind Spots Around Male Parenthood16:18 How Surrogacy Evolved and Why It’s Contested19:01 When Advocacy Becomes Infrastructure
Men Having Babies, Official Sitehttps://menhavingbabies.org
Men Having Babies, GPAP Financial Assistancehttps://menhavingbabies.org/gpap
IVF Daddieshttps://ivfdaddies.com
Follow IVF DaddiesInstagram, https://instagram.com/ivfdaddiesYouTube, https://www.youtube.com/@IVFDaddies
This episode is relevant to:
Surrogacy ethics
LGBTQ+ parenting
Non-profit governance
Insurance coverage and infertility law
Workplace family benefits
European surrogacy regulation
Family-building infrastructure
Reproductive justice and institutional power
More
What happens when a non-profit succeeds so completely that it stops being charity and becomes infrastructure? In this episode of IVF Daddies, we sit down with Ron Poole-Dayan, founder of Men Having Babies, to examine how gay fatherhood moved from legal impossibility to corporate policy, insurance coverage, and international debate, and what it actually costs to change a system at scale. This is not a feel-good conversation about surrogacy.It is a systems-level discussion about power, ethics, money, advocacy, and the uncomfortable reality that any non-profit operating near medicine, law, and vulnerable populations eventually becomes a gatekeeper. We explore: Why redefining infertility as a social status changed insurance law How workplace benefits quietly replaced litigation Why ethical standards create both protection and exclusion Why the goal of real advocacy is to make itself unnecessary This episode matters now, especially in Europe, as debates around surrogacy, cross-border family building, and regulation intensify ahead of major community and policy conversations in Brussels. If you care about family, ethics, systems, and how change actually happens, this conversation is for you. We’re releasing this episode as we head to Brussels on the 7th to engage directly with families, advocates, and institutions navigating the next phase of family-building infrastructure in Europe. This conversation is not about defending one organization.It is about understanding how social change actually works, and why every mature movement eventually faces scrutiny not for failing, but for succeeding. If you want elite parenting to be boring, protected, and normal, this is the price. CHAPTERS: 00:00 Why Men Having Babies Exists02:48 Financial Assistance and Industry Proximity05:41 Advocacy, Law, and Institutional Power08:22 Redefining Infertility, Medical vs Social Status10:48 Workplace Benefits and Corporate Policy13:35 Cultural Blind Spots Around Male Parenthood16:18 How Surrogacy Evolved and Why It’s Contested19:01 When Advocacy Becomes Infrastructure Men Having Babies, Official Sitehttps://menhavingbabies.org Men Having Babies, GPAP Financial Assistancehttps://menhavingbabies.org/gpap IVF Daddieshttps://ivfdaddies.com Follow IVF DaddiesInstagram, https://instagram.com/ivfdaddiesYouTube, https://www.youtube.com/@IVFDaddies This episode is relevant to: Surrogacy ethics LGBTQ+ parenting Non-profit governance Insurance coverage and infertility law Workplace family benefits European surrogacy regulation Family-building infrastructure Reproductive justice and institutional power