TB9, S11, E13: Author and Therapist Colette Fehr — Why Staying Quiet Leads to Divorce
Tue Feb 03 2026
Most relationships don't end because of one big blowup. They end because too much goes unsaid.
This week on The Back 9, therapist and author Colette Fehr returns to the show to talk about her new book, The Cost of Quiet, and why avoiding conflict can quietly push couples toward distance, disconnection, and divorce. The three of us dig into how "keeping the peace" turns into resentment, how intimacy fades when hard conversations don't happen, and why this pattern shows up so often in midlife relationships and second marriages.
If you've ever stayed quiet to avoid a fight — and wondered later how things slipped so far — this conversation will hit home. It's a topic worth shouting about, on The Back 9.
Contact Colette
Preorder The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love
https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book
Website
https://www.colettejanefehr.com
Instagram and TikTok
@colettejanefehr
Substack
https://colettejanefehr.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips
TEDx Talk, "Secrets from a Couples Therapist"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0
Contact Dennis & Josh
Instagram: @Back9_Podcast
More
Most relationships don't end because of one big blowup. They end because too much goes unsaid. This week on The Back 9, therapist and author Colette Fehr returns to the show to talk about her new book, The Cost of Quiet, and why avoiding conflict can quietly push couples toward distance, disconnection, and divorce. The three of us dig into how "keeping the peace" turns into resentment, how intimacy fades when hard conversations don't happen, and why this pattern shows up so often in midlife relationships and second marriages. If you've ever stayed quiet to avoid a fight — and wondered later how things slipped so far — this conversation will hit home. It's a topic worth shouting about, on The Back 9. Contact Colette Preorder The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book Website https://www.colettejanefehr.com Instagram and TikTok @colettejanefehr Substack https://colettejanefehr.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips TEDx Talk, "Secrets from a Couples Therapist" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0 Contact Dennis & Josh Instagram: @Back9_Podcast