Just Do Nothing: Parenting Better by Doing Less
Fri Jan 30 2026
Send us your feedback here: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com or give us a ring at 719-347-1106. Tell us what is on your mind.
Now on to today's episode:
What if the hardest part of parenting adult children isn’t knowing what to do—but knowing when to stop?
In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise sits down with licensed therapist and author Joanna Hardis to unpack her counterintuitive but powerful philosophy: doing nothing can be one of the most supportive things a parent does.
Joanna introduces the concept of distress tolerance—our ability to sit with discomfort without reacting—and explains why parents so often over-function, over-talk, over-explain, and over-apologize when their adult children struggle. While it may feel helpful in the moment, those reactions are often driven by our own anxiety rather than our child’s actual needs.
Together, Denise and Joanna explore:
Why parents confuse love with action—and how that backfiresHow “doing nothing” is not abandonment, but emotional regulationThe difference between responding thoughtfully vs. reacting emotionallyWhy swooping in sends the message “I don’t trust you”How over-talking and people-pleasing quietly erode connectionThe shift from doing mode to being mode in parentingPractical, small “weight-lifting” exercises to build distress toleranceJoanna offers concrete tools parents can start using today—beginning with something surprisingly simple: putting your phone down and sitting with discomfort.
This conversation is a must-listen for parents who love deeply, worry constantly, and want healthier, calmer relationships with their adult children—without losing themselves in the process.
Guest Resources: 🌐 JoannaHardis.com
We’re also launching our new listener phone line. We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like. We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode. So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.
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Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.
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The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.
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Send us your feedback here: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com or give us a ring at 719-347-1106. Tell us what is on your mind. Now on to today's episode: What if the hardest part of parenting adult children isn’t knowing what to do—but knowing when to stop? In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise sits down with licensed therapist and author Joanna Hardis to unpack her counterintuitive but powerful philosophy: doing nothing can be one of the most supportive things a parent does. Joanna introduces the concept of distress tolerance—our ability to sit with discomfort without reacting—and explains why parents so often over-function, over-talk, over-explain, and over-apologize when their adult children struggle. While it may feel helpful in the moment, those reactions are often driven by our own anxiety rather than our child’s actual needs. Together, Denise and Joanna explore: Why parents confuse love with action—and how that backfiresHow “doing nothing” is not abandonment, but emotional regulationThe difference between responding thoughtfully vs. reacting emotionallyWhy swooping in sends the message “I don’t trust you”How over-talking and people-pleasing quietly erode connectionThe shift from doing mode to being mode in parentingPractical, small “weight-lifting” exercises to build distress toleranceJoanna offers concrete tools parents can start using today—beginning with something surprisingly simple: putting your phone down and sitting with discomfort. This conversation is a must-listen for parents who love deeply, worry constantly, and want healthier, calmer relationships with their adult children—without losing themselves in the process. Guest Resources: 🌐 JoannaHardis.com We’re also launching our new listener phone line. We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like. We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode. So give us a call now at 719-347-1106. Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer. Support the show Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.