#264 | Is It Insecurity—Or Is It Manipulation? How to Tell the Difference in Your Relationship
Mon Feb 02 2026
What if the "insecurity" you've been working so hard to reassure isn't insecurity at all?
In this solo episode, Todd Creager—a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience—walks you through one of the most confusing dynamics he sees in his practice: when what looks like a partner's fear and need for reassurance is actually a pattern of manipulation and control.
Todd explains the key differences between genuine insecurity and deliberate manipulation. Someone who is truly insecure may need reassurance, but they'll also take responsibility for their actions, apologize sincerely, and work to respect your boundaries over time. A person who is manipulating, on the other hand, keeps moving the goalpost—what satisfied them yesterday becomes a problem today. They rarely apologize, and when you bring up your own pain, the conversation gets turned back around onto you.
This episode covers several warning signs to watch for: when your sense of reality gets questioned until you start doubting your own memory; when jealousy turns into isolation from friends and family under the guise of "protecting" you; and when the silent treatment becomes a tool for punishment rather than a sign of hurt feelings. Todd draws a clear line between fear-based insecurity and power-based manipulation—one comes from a place of wanting connection, the other from wanting control.
If you've been weathered down over time and feel like you've lost your sense of self, this episode offers clarity. Todd shares how he helps clients begin to trust their own perception again by asking simple questions: What do I think? What do I feel? What would I believe if my partner wasn't telling me otherwise?
Whether you recognize these patterns in your own relationship or in someone you care about, this conversation can be a starting point for understanding what's really happening—and what you can do next.
If this resonates with you, consider reaching out. Todd works with individuals and couples navigating these complex dynamics and is here to help you find your footing again.
If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.
Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass
Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT
Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.
You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com
HELPFUL LINKS:
Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM ...
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What if the "insecurity" you've been working so hard to reassure isn't insecurity at all? In this solo episode, Todd Creager—a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience—walks you through one of the most confusing dynamics he sees in his practice: when what looks like a partner's fear and need for reassurance is actually a pattern of manipulation and control. Todd explains the key differences between genuine insecurity and deliberate manipulation. Someone who is truly insecure may need reassurance, but they'll also take responsibility for their actions, apologize sincerely, and work to respect your boundaries over time. A person who is manipulating, on the other hand, keeps moving the goalpost—what satisfied them yesterday becomes a problem today. They rarely apologize, and when you bring up your own pain, the conversation gets turned back around onto you. This episode covers several warning signs to watch for: when your sense of reality gets questioned until you start doubting your own memory; when jealousy turns into isolation from friends and family under the guise of "protecting" you; and when the silent treatment becomes a tool for punishment rather than a sign of hurt feelings. Todd draws a clear line between fear-based insecurity and power-based manipulation—one comes from a place of wanting connection, the other from wanting control. If you've been weathered down over time and feel like you've lost your sense of self, this episode offers clarity. Todd shares how he helps clients begin to trust their own perception again by asking simple questions: What do I think? What do I feel? What would I believe if my partner wasn't telling me otherwise? Whether you recognize these patterns in your own relationship or in someone you care about, this conversation can be a starting point for understanding what's really happening—and what you can do next. If this resonates with you, consider reaching out. Todd works with individuals and couples navigating these complex dynamics and is here to help you find your footing again. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM ...