I Don't Know What I Want Sexually (Help)
Fri Feb 06 2026
Whether you've been with your partner for ten months or ten years, knowing what you actually want in bed is harder than it sounds—especially if you never got the chance to explore. In this episode, Dr. Emily takes listener calls about the real challenges that keep couples stuck: shame around masturbation, mismatched experience levels, and the fear that fading passion means something's broken.
From a wife who's never had a partner ask what she wants to a husband hiding his solo sessions in the basement, Emily breaks down why sexual self-discovery isn't selfish—it's essential. She also tackles what to do when your partner wants to swing but you're not sure, and why taking penetration off the table might be the fastest way to bring the heat back.
In this episode, you'll learn:
• Why being a skilled lover has nothing to do with how many people you've slept with—and everything to do with curiosity and communication
• How to take the lead in bed without becoming a completely different person (even if you've always been submissive)
• The "hell yes or hell no" rule for navigating swinging, threesomes, and any sexual experience that makes you feel vulnerable
More Dr. Emily:
• Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).
• Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse.
• Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Reach out to enrollment@sexwithemily.com to learn more!
• Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.
• The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure
• Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website
• Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube
• Let’s text: Sign up here
• Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.
Timestamps:
0:00 - Introduction
1:33 - McKenzie: Husband complains about sex life to others
4:36 - Why partner count doesn't determine sexual skill
6:14 - How to discover what you actually want in bed
9:37 - Experience is not a numbers game
10:43 - Dan: Feeling guilty about masturbating while married
13:06 - Why masturbation shame hurts relationships
15:41 - Sarah: Giving her husband a prostate orgasm for his 50th
19:04 - Switching from submissive to dominant in bed
23:02 - Alex: Girlfriend wants to try soft swapping
25:17 - Hannah: Taking sex off the table to reconnect
30:03 - Building intimacy without rushing to penetration
More
Whether you've been with your partner for ten months or ten years, knowing what you actually want in bed is harder than it sounds—especially if you never got the chance to explore. In this episode, Dr. Emily takes listener calls about the real challenges that keep couples stuck: shame around masturbation, mismatched experience levels, and the fear that fading passion means something's broken. From a wife who's never had a partner ask what she wants to a husband hiding his solo sessions in the basement, Emily breaks down why sexual self-discovery isn't selfish—it's essential. She also tackles what to do when your partner wants to swing but you're not sure, and why taking penetration off the table might be the fastest way to bring the heat back. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why being a skilled lover has nothing to do with how many people you've slept with—and everything to do with curiosity and communication • How to take the lead in bed without becoming a completely different person (even if you've always been submissive) • The "hell yes or hell no" rule for navigating swinging, threesomes, and any sexual experience that makes you feel vulnerable More Dr. Emily: • Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply). • Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. • Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Reach out to enrollment@sexwithemily.com to learn more! • Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube • Let’s text: Sign up here • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Timestamps: 0:00 - Introduction 1:33 - McKenzie: Husband complains about sex life to others 4:36 - Why partner count doesn't determine sexual skill 6:14 - How to discover what you actually want in bed 9:37 - Experience is not a numbers game 10:43 - Dan: Feeling guilty about masturbating while married 13:06 - Why masturbation shame hurts relationships 15:41 - Sarah: Giving her husband a prostate orgasm for his 50th 19:04 - Switching from submissive to dominant in bed 23:02 - Alex: Girlfriend wants to try soft swapping 25:17 - Hannah: Taking sex off the table to reconnect 30:03 - Building intimacy without rushing to penetration