The #1 Reason First Dates Flop (and It's Not What You Think)
Sat Sep 06 2025
Who's Really Going on That Date? (Hint: It's Not Just You)
In this episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Justin Wilford unpack what happens when all your INNER PARTS show up on a date—whether you invite them or not. Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, your hosts reveal what’s really going on when you're swiping, flirting, chatting and ghosting. Ever feel like part of you wants to be super into someone… but they say one thing and another part wants to run for the hills? Learn how to spot the protective parts that might be hijacking your dating life, and how quick self-checks—before, during, and after a date—can bring more compassion (and a lot less chaos) into your dating experience. If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I keep picking the same people?” — this episode might just be your new favorite wingman.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Conscious Dating
01:55Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts
09:50 The Impact of Protective Parts in Dating
13:39 Self-Checks Before, During, and After Dates
23:57 Navigating Curiosity and Connection on Dates
30:36Post-Date Analysis and Understanding Parts
38:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Relationships
Links
The Emotion Identification Wheel
The 3 N's Meditation with Justin Wilford
Conscious Call-Ins | Your Dating Hotline
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sophylove.substack.com
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Who's Really Going on That Date? (Hint: It's Not Just You) In this episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Justin Wilford unpack what happens when all your INNER PARTS show up on a date—whether you invite them or not. Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, your hosts reveal what’s really going on when you're swiping, flirting, chatting and ghosting. Ever feel like part of you wants to be super into someone… but they say one thing and another part wants to run for the hills? Learn how to spot the protective parts that might be hijacking your dating life, and how quick self-checks—before, during, and after a date—can bring more compassion (and a lot less chaos) into your dating experience. If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I keep picking the same people?” — this episode might just be your new favorite wingman. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Conscious Dating 01:55Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts 09:50 The Impact of Protective Parts in Dating 13:39 Self-Checks Before, During, and After Dates 23:57 Navigating Curiosity and Connection on Dates 30:36Post-Date Analysis and Understanding Parts 38:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Relationships Links The Emotion Identification Wheel The 3 N's Meditation with Justin Wilford Conscious Call-Ins | Your Dating Hotline This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sophylove.substack.com