I Seemed Like a GOOD GUY. I WASN’T. (My Lying Created a Monster)
Mon Jan 26 2026
The "Good Guy" act was the very thing making me a monster.
In this episode, Jay and Lori discuss the "reckoning" that happens when an addict finally stops managing their image. For years, Jay tried to convince himself and everyone else that he was just a "guy who liked porn", but the reality was much darker.
We discuss:
The "Monster" Paradox: How the effort to not look like a monster is actually what makes you one.
Physical Destruction: The moment Jay realized his stress was causing Lori's body to shut down—leading to early menopause and her hair turning white.
The Permanent Limp: Why time does not heal all wounds, and why some parts of a marriage may never reach "100% repair."
No More Escape Routes: The "preponderance of evidence" that finally forced Jay to own the depth of the damage.
"I would much rather be misunderstood and have a tomorrow, than do all the crap I was doing at that point."
Timestamps
00:00 The Monster I Became Trying to Hide?
01:13 Did You Understand the Damage? (The Limp Metaphor)
02:46 What Body Parts Shut Down? (Menopause & Hair)
04:40 Why it took so long
06:09 Confusing "Functioning" With Healing?
07:24 Time Doesn't HEAL All Wounds... Nor All Addicts
07:49 When Did You Feel the Weight? / What was Different About that Moment?
09:44 The Turning Point: When Begging Stopped
12:00 When Did "It Wasn't That Bad" Collapse?
12:23 How Did It Feel? (The Monster I Became)
15:41 Questions to the Viewers
--
To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww
--
Who is This Channel For?
If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
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The "Good Guy" act was the very thing making me a monster. In this episode, Jay and Lori discuss the "reckoning" that happens when an addict finally stops managing their image. For years, Jay tried to convince himself and everyone else that he was just a "guy who liked porn", but the reality was much darker. We discuss: The "Monster" Paradox: How the effort to not look like a monster is actually what makes you one. Physical Destruction: The moment Jay realized his stress was causing Lori's body to shut down—leading to early menopause and her hair turning white. The Permanent Limp: Why time does not heal all wounds, and why some parts of a marriage may never reach "100% repair." No More Escape Routes: The "preponderance of evidence" that finally forced Jay to own the depth of the damage. "I would much rather be misunderstood and have a tomorrow, than do all the crap I was doing at that point." Timestamps 00:00 The Monster I Became Trying to Hide? 01:13 Did You Understand the Damage? (The Limp Metaphor) 02:46 What Body Parts Shut Down? (Menopause & Hair) 04:40 Why it took so long 06:09 Confusing "Functioning" With Healing? 07:24 Time Doesn't HEAL All Wounds... Nor All Addicts 07:49 When Did You Feel the Weight? / What was Different About that Moment? 09:44 The Turning Point: When Begging Stopped 12:00 When Did "It Wasn't That Bad" Collapse? 12:23 How Did It Feel? (The Monster I Became) 15:41 Questions to the Viewers -- To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/ To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww -- Who is This Channel For? If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking. #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice