Grief and Friendship: Showing Up After Infant Loss with Michelle Valiukenas
Thu Feb 05 2026
When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad.
In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly.
Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU, and I felt uncertain how to go about sharing this episode; I decided to release it because my friend told me these kinds of stories provide her comfort and can be hard to find.
If you're supporting someone through grief, or if you're in it yourself, I hope that this conversation gives you permission to have the hard conversations.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The power in giving our grieving friends the options of whether they want to talk about their loss or not How I used this episode to show up for my own grieving friends, including normalizing talking about the the child they lost, Cam, and being present through hard daysWhy we can’t maintain our friendship peaks forever, just as you can’t sustain race-day conditioning – and that’s OKWhat’s actually helpful for people grieving, from remembering anniversaries to offering concrete help (i.e., don’t ask what they need, offer a service instead)
Resources & Links
Listen to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots Framework.
Michelle and her husband founded the Colette Louise Tisdahl Foundation, which aims to improve outcomes of pregnancy, childbirth, prematurity and infancy, and help the grieving process.
Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
More
When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad. In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly. Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU, and I felt uncertain how to go about sharing this episode; I decided to release it because my friend told me these kinds of stories provide her comfort and can be hard to find. If you're supporting someone through grief, or if you're in it yourself, I hope that this conversation gives you permission to have the hard conversations. In this episode you’ll hear about: The power in giving our grieving friends the options of whether they want to talk about their loss or not How I used this episode to show up for my own grieving friends, including normalizing talking about the the child they lost, Cam, and being present through hard daysWhy we can’t maintain our friendship peaks forever, just as you can’t sustain race-day conditioning – and that’s OKWhat’s actually helpful for people grieving, from remembering anniversaries to offering concrete help (i.e., don’t ask what they need, offer a service instead) Resources & Links Listen to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots Framework. Michelle and her husband founded the Colette Louise Tisdahl Foundation, which aims to improve outcomes of pregnancy, childbirth, prematurity and infancy, and help the grieving process. Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!