Narcissist vs. Abuser: When the Dynamics Mirror Each Other and does the Difference Matter? with Licensed Psychotherapist, Chelsey Brooke Cole
Tue Feb 03 2026
When you're in a high-conflict divorce, the behaviors often feel indistinguishable. Gaslighting. Manipulation. Control. Chaos. Emotional whiplash. It's why so many people fixate on one question: Is my spouse a narcissist?
In this episode, I'm joined by licensed psychotherapist and narcissistic abuse expert Chelsey Brooke Cole to explore a deeper truth—when the impact on you feels the same, does the label actually matter?
We unpack what narcissistic abuse truly is, how it overlaps with other forms of emotional and psychological abuse, and why abusers and narcissists often behave in nearly identical ways during divorce. Especially when they're losing control. Especially when the legal process becomes another tool for domination, punishment, and destabilization.
This conversation is not about diagnosing your ex. It's about understanding patterns so you can stop internalizing blame, stop doubting your reality, and stop negotiating from fear. We talk about the internal experience of these dynamics—the fog, the shame, the fragmentation, the nervous system overload—and how those symptoms affect your ability to think clearly, make decisions, and advocate for yourself and your children.
Most importantly, we focus on what actually helps. How to protect yourself emotionally and strategically during a high-conflict divorce. How to anticipate predictable escalations. How to step out of reactivity and into steadiness. And how to begin rebuilding your sense of identity, self-worth, and agency after prolonged psychological control.
If you're divorcing someone who feels impossible, unpredictable, or emotionally dangerous, this episode offers clarity, validation, and a path forward rooted in reality—not labels.
Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, certified partner trauma therapist, bestselling author of If Only I'd Known!, and a nationally recognized expert in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma. She has been featured in USA Today, Psychology Today, HuffPost, WKRN News 2, and FOX 26 Houston, and supports thousands of survivors through her clinical work, education, and trauma-informed programs.
This episode is for anyone navigating a high-conflict divorce who needs to understand what's happening, why it's so destabilizing, and how to move forward without losing themselves in the process.
Connect with Chelsey:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chelseybrookecole Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chelseybrookecole Website: https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Free ebook version of bestselling book, If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth: https://us14.list-manage.com/survey?u=b1c7f3139f2ce732f0176d8e5&id=5e960f8627&attribution=false Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
Follow JBD on Instagram: @journey_beyond_divorce Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod
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When you're in a high-conflict divorce, the behaviors often feel indistinguishable. Gaslighting. Manipulation. Control. Chaos. Emotional whiplash. It's why so many people fixate on one question: Is my spouse a narcissist? In this episode, I'm joined by licensed psychotherapist and narcissistic abuse expert Chelsey Brooke Cole to explore a deeper truth—when the impact on you feels the same, does the label actually matter? We unpack what narcissistic abuse truly is, how it overlaps with other forms of emotional and psychological abuse, and why abusers and narcissists often behave in nearly identical ways during divorce. Especially when they're losing control. Especially when the legal process becomes another tool for domination, punishment, and destabilization. This conversation is not about diagnosing your ex. It's about understanding patterns so you can stop internalizing blame, stop doubting your reality, and stop negotiating from fear. We talk about the internal experience of these dynamics—the fog, the shame, the fragmentation, the nervous system overload—and how those symptoms affect your ability to think clearly, make decisions, and advocate for yourself and your children. Most importantly, we focus on what actually helps. How to protect yourself emotionally and strategically during a high-conflict divorce. How to anticipate predictable escalations. How to step out of reactivity and into steadiness. And how to begin rebuilding your sense of identity, self-worth, and agency after prolonged psychological control. If you're divorcing someone who feels impossible, unpredictable, or emotionally dangerous, this episode offers clarity, validation, and a path forward rooted in reality—not labels. Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, certified partner trauma therapist, bestselling author of If Only I'd Known!, and a nationally recognized expert in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma. She has been featured in USA Today, Psychology Today, HuffPost, WKRN News 2, and FOX 26 Houston, and supports thousands of survivors through her clinical work, education, and trauma-informed programs. This episode is for anyone navigating a high-conflict divorce who needs to understand what's happening, why it's so destabilizing, and how to move forward without losing themselves in the process. Connect with Chelsey: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chelseybrookecole Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chelseybrookecole Website: https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Free ebook version of bestselling book, If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth: https://us14.list-manage.com/survey?u=b1c7f3139f2ce732f0176d8e5&id=5e960f8627&attribution=false Resources Mentioned in this Episode: Follow JBD on Instagram: @journey_beyond_divorce Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod