Flip Your Mindset™

Have you ever hesitated to correct someone who mispronounced your name? For today’s guest, Hui Ting Kok, allowing people to call her “Hui” instead of her full name, “Hui Ting,” was a way to avoid being seen as difficult. It was a survival strategy to ensure she wasn’t a burden. This small example speaks volumes about the internal contracts we make to feel safe, especially within immigrant families and high-pressure cultures. In this episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sit down with Hui Ting Kok, a licensed mental health counselor who specializes in helping Asian Americans and children of immigrants navigate anxiety and identity through Internal Family Systems (IFS). We discuss the complex intersection of cultural expectations, filial piety, and the heavy backpack of “invisible contracts” passed down through generations. Heirlooms vs. Burdens One of the most powerful concepts Hui Ting introduces is the distinction between an heirloom and a burden. * The Heirloom: This is a trait you choose to carry because it serves you. For example, being hardworking because you are curious and ambitious. * The Burden: This is a trait you carry out of fear. You work hard not because you want to, but because if you don’t, you will be shamed, seen as lazy, or cast out. For many children of immigrants, boundary setting is incredibly difficult because their parents did not have the luxury of saying “no”. Previous generations operated in survival mode where rest was not an option. Today, when we try to set boundaries, it can feel like a betrayal of that sacrifice. Shame vs. Guilt We also break down the critical difference between shame and guilt. * Guilt is feeling bad about something you did (e.g., “I feel bad I was late”). * Shame is believing you are bad because of your actions (e.g., “I am a bad person because I was late”). In many cultures, shame is used as a tool for discipline and motivation. Hui Ting explains how we can use IFS to separate our true selves from these cultural burdens, allowing us to respect our heritage without being crushed by it. About Our Guest Hui Ting Kok, LMHC, CASAC Hui Ting is the founder of Helix Mental Health Counseling. She is a bilingual counselor (Mandarin and Cantonese) based in Brooklyn who works virtually with clients in New York and Florida. She is currently planning an IFS healing circle for 2026. * Website: helixmhc.com Free Live Workshop: What Is Anxiety, Really? If this episode resonated with you, and you are ready to understand the “why” behind your stress, I invite you to join my upcoming free live class. Date: February 10th Sessions: 12:00 PM EDT or 7:00 PM EDT If you have tried therapy, tools, or medications and still feel stuck, it is not because you are failing. It is because anxiety is often misunderstood. In this 60-minute live webinar (30 minutes of teaching + 30 minutes Q&A), we will reframe anxiety so you can finally understand what your system is trying to tell you. We will cover: * Why anxiety is not a personal flaw or weakness. * The difference between mental illness and mental injury. * How anxiety forms as a protective response to emotional wounds. * Why logic alone doesn’t resolve it. This is not about “managing” symptoms; it is about understanding the root. Secure Your Free Spot Here: https://www.flipyourmindset.com/masterclassanxiety Remember, we cannot heal what we do not understand. I hope to see you there. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe